Enough
by xhidden.tearsx
Summary: She couldn't feel anything. The only feeling she'd come to know was numb. This is a oneshot centered around Brooke. There are hints of BL,LP,and BP in it. WARNING: Character Death
1. Enough

_**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or its characters. If I did the show would be way different. Trust me on that one. **_

_**Anyways this is a very dark and depressing one shot, with a character death in it. It is through Brooke's point of view in Season 4, after her and Lucas break up. It is very unrealistic I know but I just wanted to capture Brooke in a different light.**_

**It's over.**

**The pain is gone. **

**There's nothing left to feel. **

It was officially over. The pain was gone. The pain she had experienced the night she left Lucas's room in tears was gone. For so long the words "_I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore" _followed by a pathetic_ "I'm sorry" _echoed through her ears and the image of his anguished eyes, a dull shade of blue burned in the back of her mind. But not anymore, those memories were gone. Now she didn't think anything. She didn't feel anything.

**Numb, cold, and lifeless,**

**Eyes as dull as razor blades.**

**There is nothing left inside of you. **

**You can't feel anything.**

**The life is sucked right out of you. **

**You are bleeding for nothing.****  
**

The only feeling left inside of her was numb, and cold, and lifeless. It was the feeling of nothing. Everything was gone. Her dimpled smile hadn't been seen in almost a month. Her usually vivid hazel eyes were replaced with dull irises, clouded with emptiness. She didn't feel a sickness in the pit of her stomach, one that the normal Brooke Davis would've felt upon seeing her ex-boyfriend and best friend together. But the new Brooke Davis wasn't normal, she was replaced by someone the old Brooke Davis would've hated.

The cold blade brushed her warm skin, sending a chill down her spine. It was teasing her, begging her to press its deadly blade against her wrist. She touched the mechanism to her skin and ripped the flesh away. Brooke grabbed a towel from the side of the bath tub, leaned over the sink and let the blood drip. She wrapped the towel around her wrist and leaned back against the counter. She couldn't feel anything. She was bleeding for nothing, for she didn't care if her life ended right then. It would at least take away the numbness that had taken over her body.

**Memories scattered across the floor,**

**Mascara tracks run down your face**

**You are crying for nothing.**

**These deadly reminders of an act of betrayal, **

**A rip right through the heart **

**You will never forget. **

"Fuck," Brooke yelled at the top of her lungs as she threw the picture frame against the wall. She watched the glass break into tiny pieces and she let out a small laugh, "I can't believe I loved him and I trusted her". Several pictures scattered the floor and before she knew it Brooke was scooping all of them up. Every picture she could find of her and Lucas, and her and Peyton we're now on her bed in piles.

One by one, she burned each picture. As she did, tears ran down her face in frenzy. Thick black streaks of mascara rolled down her cheeks with the hot tears. Instantly she wiped the tears from her face. Why the fuck am I crying she wondered? Lucas and Peyton certainly weren't worth crying over. She was crying for nothing. She grinned in a twisted way as she burned the last of the reminders of an act of betrayal. The rip in her heart was gone, just like that. Of course, she would never forget this as long as she lived but for now that ache was gone. She didn't feel anything.

**Broken**

**Is what you feel **

**Lost, and alone**

**Nobody is there to save you **

**From the nightmare you've become.**

**Hating yourself, and the others around you**

**You've put up unbreakable walls, **

**A form of protection to ease the hurt.**

If she had to pick one word to describe her emotions right now it would be broken. Not broken by Lucas and Peyton, but broken by the way her life was turning out. She had shut out nearly everyone that meant anything to her. She refused to let Peyton and Lucas back in but who could blame her? She shut Nathan and Haley out. She shut Mouth out and she rarely talked to Rachel anymore. She shut Bevin and Skills out; she shut Karen and Deb out. Nobody could get through to her anymore.

Nobody could save her, she was so alone and so lost in a world that she was coming to hate. This was her nightmare, a remnant of her once perfect life. Her nightmare was full of demons that she couldn't face, hate that couldn't be suppressed and unbreakable walls that couldn't survive even the smallest crack.

**Through the mirror, you see**

**A remnant of what you used to be**

**You want to be that person again but you can't.**

**You won't. **

**You want to live again, to feel again,**

**To escape this twisted fate**

**And seek the happiness you are destined to find.**

Standing in front of the mirror, she sees a stranger. Looking back at her is not the bubbly, beautiful Brooke Davis she's used to seeing. Instead, she sees a broken, numb, emotionless, dull girl. If she looks hard enough she can see a trace of who she used to be. It's very faint but that girl is still there. She wants so badly to give up and be that girl again but she can't. She won't.

She doesn't want her weakness to be exposed because she is anything but weak and she does not go down without a fight. She wants so desperately to feel again, to live again, and to be herself again. She can't find the strength to escape this twist of fate. She wants to but she can't. This is her life now. She chose it.

**Cruel and harsh it is**

**To see the past's reflection,**

**Reminding you of the mistakes**

**That were made along the way**

The stranger staring back at her was simply a reflection of her past and the mistakes that had been made. It was hard to think back, to pick apart what had even caused all of this. Was it simply because she was not enough? Was she not smart enough or not pretty enough for Lucas? Did they lack an emotional connection? Did he just see her as a nice piece of ass and nothing more than someone for him to sleep with?

She didn't know what it was for sure but maybe it was all of it. She knew it was just a matter of time before Lucas would do the exact same thing he had done to her a year ago. She knew that he was going to run into Peyton's awaiting arms again if she didn't end it. Maybe she was just being paranoid that he'd realize all of her flaws and see the imperfections that hid behind her perfect exterior. Yet again, her insecurities had gotten the best of her.

**You've become your own demise **

**A Broken mess for the world to see**

**Drowning yourself in alcohol **

**Wishing that is was enough **

**To get you through each day **

**But it isn't **

**It never is. **

She really shouldn't be sitting here blaming Lucas and Peyton for her own demise. She was her own worst enemy and she had caused her own downfall. Instead of trying to fix her relationship with Lucas, she let him go. She liked to call if her own personal sacrifice. She let go of him so that Peyton could be happy and so that he could be happy because she was beginning to get the feeling that he wasn't as happy with her as he had let on. She wanted him to be happy, even if it meant that she wasn't. Even if it meant that she had to live her life like this. At least one of them could be happy.

She grabbed the bottle of vodka that she kept hidden in the back of her closet for times like these. Smiling, she brought the bottle to her lips and chugged all twenty six ounces of it. She didn't care if it burned her throat, she couldn't feel it. She couldn't feel anything. When she was finished, she felt the world spinning beneath her feet. She chucked the bottle against the wall, and like the picture frame it shattered into a million pieces. She laughed as glass sprayed across the room.

All of a sudden, a very drunk Brooke got an idea that was bad to most, but good to her. She remembered that her dad kept a shotgun in the back of his closet, just in case an intruder came in. She stumbled out of the room, gripping onto random objects as she managed to get to the closet. She grabbed the gun and checked to see if it was loaded. It was. Perfect, she thought. She stumbled back to her own bedroom and closed the door. She decided not to write a suicide note but instead grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and managed to scribble the words _To Lucas and Peyton. You finally got what you deserved. I'm no longer standing in your way. _

She brought the gun to her head and cocked it. This was it, one simple motion. How hard could it be? Then, she did something that surprised her. She dropped the gun from the side of her head. She couldn't do this. She was going to change. Get into rehab or something. Her life was more than this and she knew it.

Just as she was about to drop the gun, the unexpected happened. She stumbled forward and tripped, her hand slipped and accidently pulled the trigger, which was aimed right at her heart. Then it all went black.

_**(AN: Okay, so very sad and depressing I know but I just can't seem to write happy Brucas anymore. I guess I've lost inspiration. I'm considering a sequel to this through Lucas's POV, a few years after Brooke's death. I'm thinking of using the song Lucy by Skillet because I think that it would fit very well.)**_


	2. The Reason: Peyton's POV

_**This is from Peyton's POV and how she took Brooke's death and made herself a better person from it. Being that Peyton was one of the main reasons Brooke died I felt it was important to include her in the aftermath. **_

**I'm not a perfect person  
There's many things I wish I didn't do  
But I continue learning  
I never meant to do those things to you  
And so I have to say before I go  
That I just want you to know**

I've found a reason for me  
To change who I used to be  
A reason to start over new  
and the reason is you

**I'm sorry that I hurt you  
It's something I must live with every day  
And all the pain I put you through  
I wish that I could take it all away  
And be the one who catches all your tears  
That's why I need you to hear**

**I've found a reason to show  
A side of me you didn't know  
A reason for all that I do  
And the reason is you**

26 year old Peyton Sawyer stood before the grave of her former best friend. The blonde looked defeated. She had come here to make peace with Brooke Davis once and for all. She sighed as she ran her hands along the grave. The headstone read:

_Brooklyn Penelope Davis_

_March 10__th__, 1988-April 17__th__, 2006_

She was barely 18 when she left the earth, and all the people that loved her behind. Suicide was the cause of death and for 8 years Peyton blamed herself.

Today was the 8 year anniversary of the tragic death that rocked Tree Hill to its core, the suicide of Brooke Davis. Brooke had been the head cheerleader, student body president, and most popular girl during her time at Tree Hill High. She was destined for success in the fashion world. She was going to do great things in her life, everyone knew that but she never got the chance. She didn't even get to graduate.

8 years ago, Nathan Scott found Brooke in her home; she had shot herself right in the heart. Beside her limp body was a scribbled note that read _To Lucas and Peyton. You finally got what you wanted. I'm no longer standing in your way. _Peyton knew that it was all her fault. If she had just backed off and not gone after Lucas pretty much the second him and Brooke broke up than maybe her best friend would still be alive.

For years Peyton Sawyer was not the same. She and Lucas broke up almost instantly after Brooke's death. She shut everyone out and rarely talked to anyone. It was too hard when it was your entire fault that your best friend was dead.

About 4 years ago Peyton realized something though. She realized that Brooke wouldn't have wanted her to sit there and blame herself for everything. She would've wanted her to pick up the pieces and start living again. So she did. She wanted to make Brooke proud so she changed.

"Hey ," she whispered, running her fingers along the headstone.

"I can't believe it's been 8 years".

"I hope that you can forgive me Brooke. I never meant to hurt you. If I had known that my stupid actions would've caused this than I never would've gone after Lucas. I'm so sorry Brooke," she cried, trying her best to choke back her tears.

"Every single day I blame myself for this. Not a day goes by where I don't think about you. You would've been great Brooke. You would've changed the world".

"There's one more thing I have to say to you before I go," she added, getting up off her knees.

"If there's one thing I learned from you're death Brooke it's that I needed to change. You're death is the reason I became a better person. I took the most I could from this horrible tragedy and became the person I know you would've wanted me to be. I'm not the same person I was in High School. That girl is gone and the reason for that is you".

With that she turned to leave. "I love you . Don't ever forget that", she whispered one last time.

AN: I know it's short and not even close to being as good as the first part but I just wanted to conclude things. Next chapter will be how Lucas deals with Brooke's death and comes to grips with it. I might do another chapter with views from the other characters. I'm not sure yet.


	3. There You'll Be: Lucas's POV

_**When I think back on these times  
And the dreams we left behind  
I'll be glad 'cause I was blessed to get to have you in my life**_

_**When I look back on these days  
I look and see your face  
You were right there for me**_

_**In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky  
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life  
I'll keep a part of you with me  
And everywhere I am, there you'll be  
And everywhere I am, there you'll be**_

10 years. That's how long it had been since Brooke Davis left the earth, taking her own life. Lucas always carried the guilt of her death with him. He knew that it was his fault. If he hadn't gone after Peyton less than a month after Brooke walked out on him then maybe his pretty girl would still be breathing to this very day. He thought Brooke was over him but clearly he'd been wrong. She was just good at hiding things but on the inside it had been eating her up. Seeing your best friend and ex-boyfriend together not even a month after you broke up with him had to have been hard on a girl right? How had he not seen that?

To this very day Brooke never left his thoughts. He married Lindsey Strauss just 3 years ago and when he stood at that alter he saw Brooke's face. Lindsey's light brown hair had been replaced by long dark brunette tresses and her soft blue eyes transformed into sad hazel ones. Her simple smile became dimpled and absolutely gorgeous and her body was a carbon copy of Brooke Davis's. He blinked and she was gone but Lucas knew inside his heart that it should have been Brooke standing there next to him instead of Lindsey had he not been such an idiot. He knew that Brooke would've wanted him to be happy and moving onto Lindsey would've made her happy. Lindsey was a nice girl and she knew about Brooke and Lucas's past but she respected it and somehow she knew that she could never take Brooke's place in his heart. That was what had drawn Lucas to Lindsey in the first place. She reminded him of Brooke. She was kind hearted, beautiful, ambitious, and she put others before herself. She was so much like Brooke it scared him.

When Lucas graduated high school he saw Brooke. Although her name was never called her saw her standing next to Ryan Daniels, the kid that came before her in the roll call. She was laughing and wearing a cap and gown as if she was ready to receive her diploma and start the next chapter in her life. A simple blink and she was gone. There was a gap in between Ryan and the next kid, a gap that should've been filled by a smiling Brooke Davis. College graduation rolled around and there she was in the audience, smiling and applauding him as he received his degree from UNC. He blinked and realized that it wasn't Brooke. It was just Haley, sitting next to Nathan, Peyton, and Mouth. His novel was published at 22 and there she was at the after party. She was flirting it up with the bartender, in typical Brooke Davis fashion but her eyes never left him and she'd send him the occasional wink. A quick blink and he learned that it wasn't Brooke. It was just some random bar slut trying to get laid. A year ago Lindsey gave birth to their daughter Brooklyn Haley Scott. He looked up as Lindsey held their daughter in her arms for the first time and staring at the new parents through the window with a huge dimpled smile was Brooke Davis. A second later she was gone and Lucas realized that nobody was there. He was just staring at nothing. A few months ago his book had been picked up by Peyton's movie producer husband Julian's Production Company. He wanted to make a movie of the book which was about a teenage girl struggling with depression over the breakup of her and her boyfriend. It also included betrayal by the ex-boyfriend and her best friend, similar to the real story. In the end she shot herself and the boy never forgave himself. When the movie was finished filming he saw Brooke at the production party. She had that damn smirk on and she was clapping as Julian patted his back and told him he was pretty sure they'd just made a smash box office hit. He turned back to face the crowd and she was gone. It was Peyton he saw this time, grinning like an idiot as she watched her husband and ex-boyfriend produce a hit movie. He shook his head. He realized in that moment that Brooke Davis was the one standing next to him when all of his dreams came true. That was the way it should be.

* * *

_**You know you showed me how it feels  
To feel the sky within my reach  
And I always will remember all the strength you gave to me**_

_**Your love made me make it through  
Oh, I owe so much to you  
You were right there for me**_

_**In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky  
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life  
I'll keep a part of you with me  
And everywhere I am there you'll be**_

"You should go see her." Those were the echoes of words that Nathan had just spoken to him about 15 minutes ago. It was the 10 year anniversary of Brooke Davis's tragic suicide and Lucas had yet to visit Brooke's grave. He was scared because he knew that visiting Brooke would only make him even more depressed than he already was. Yet he still found himself standing in front of the Tree Hill cemetery, sucking in a huge breath as he prepared himself for the worst. He knew that many tears were to come and he was going to leave with his heart broken in two yet again. You can do this Lucas he encouraged himself as he pulled his jacket tighter around his body in attempt to shield out the cold November wind.

Shakily, he approached the grave of Brooke Davis, the only girl he's ever truly loved and a weak smile crept across his face. He kneeled down, not caring that his jeans were getting extremely dirty, and placed a dozen roses beside her headstone.

"God I can't believe it's been 10 years already," he mumbled incoherently, already feeling the tears well up in his eyes. He could feel her presence lingering and he knew that she was standing there right beside him. He just knew it.

"I miss you so much Brooke Davis. You would've changed the world someday, I just know it. I wonder what you would've been like had you still been alive. I wonder what kind of a person you would've been and I wonder about all the great and extravagant things you would've done with your life."

Gently, Lucas brushed his fingertips along the headstone, feeling the grooves of each word. "It's not fair. This didn't deserve to happen to you and no matter what I will never live this down. I try so hard every single day to convince myself that you wouldn't want me to sit here and blame myself for this but I can't help it. I will always carry the burden of your death with me until the day I die!" Lucas cried out suddenly, tears streaming down his now red face as he continued stroking the headstone.

He threw his hands up in the air in defeat. "Why did you do this Brooke? Why? We could've fixed this. We could've worked together to fix this and make you better again. You could've just let us all in and we could've saved you!" he screamed, pounding his fist against the gravestone. She was gone and she was never coming back. How do you live with the fact that you killed the one thing that meant more to you than anything in the entire world? It's simple. You don't. Every single day of his life, Lucas Scott beats himself up over being the reason that the beautiful Brooke Davis is gone and never coming back. It is something that will never just go away because the guilt is too much to bear.

After he finally calmed down and gradually regained his composure, Lucas let out a long and heavy sigh. "You changed my life Brooke. I never thanked you for that. I never got the chance to tell you how blessed I am to have had to you teach me true values of life. You opened my eyes about so many things and made me feel things that I had never felt before. Your love is what made me get through each day and the strength that reflected off of you and onto others if what helps me get through each day now. Without you I am nothing Brooke. Without you I am simply a lost soul searching for something more. You gave my life meaning and I am extremely sorry that I never credited you for it."

Anger burned in his dull and cold blue eyes as he let out a long and bitter laugh. "I did this to you Brooke and I will never forget the pain that I put you though. It doesn't matter how hard I try because I know that feeling isn't going to go away."

Slowly, he picked himself up off the ground, while running a hand through his shaggy dirty blonde locks. "It doesn't matter how badly this is eating me up inside but I'm going to continue living my life because I know that it is what you would want. You taught me the worthiness of life and the reason for living and because of that I am going to show you that I can find the strength to carry on and not give up," he whispered. Lucas was not going to give up because life threw some tough shit at him. Life threw Brooke a lot of curveballs but she always managed to swerve and now Lucas was going to do the same thing. He was going to swerve and put his life back on course. There was a reason for living, a reason for breathing, a reason for waking up every single day and living his life, and that reason was Brooke Davis.

* * *

_**'Cause I always saw in you my light my strength  
And I want to thank you now for all the ways  
You were right there for me, you were right there for me always**_

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky  
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life  
I'll keep a part of you with me  
And everywhere I am, there you'll be  
And everywhere I am, there you'll be

There you'll be

"Lucas… Are you ready to go?" a soft voice questioned and Lucas looked up to see his wife Lindsey staring at him with an unreadable expression on her face.

Slowly but surely Lucas nodded his head. "Yes I think I am."

She held her hand out to him and hesitantly he took it, placing his own inside of hers.

When they got back to the car, Lindsey turned and offered him a small but gracious smile. "Did you have a good talk?"

Lucas rested his head against the steering wheel and after a few moments of brief silence he looked up and nodded his head. "We sure did."

"Good," Lindsey smiled as he started the engine and began to drive away, leaving his pretty girl behind.

An awkward and uncomfortable silence consumed them as the radio played on low. Neither of them spoke.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Lindsey broke the silence. "It helps doesn't it?"

Lucas gave her a look of confusion and she chuckled," talking to Brooke. It helps doesn't it?"

He nodded his head casually. "It really does. I feel like I can open up to her whenever I visit her grave. I can say all the things that need to be said. All the things I should've said a very long time ago."

Lucas pulls into the driveway and finally the awkward ride is over. Talking to your wife about the ex-girlfriend you killed is never easy, even if she understands.

"I'm going to attempt some writing," Lucas announced as he unlocked the door and dropped his coat to the floor.

Lindsey picked up the coat and placed it neatly on a hanger. "Sure I'll call you when supper is ready."

He gave her a quick kiss and made his way down the hall and into his study.

* * *

Lucas had been staring at the blank screen for what seemed like forever. He had everything played out in his mind but he was having a hard time wording it.

Consciously he glanced to his left and his eyes fell on a picture. It was taken during their senior and final year of High School. It featured him, Nathan, Brooke, Peyton, and Haley all smiling and acting like the goofballs that they were. The picture made Lucas reminisce and miss the good old days, the days when everything seemed so much simpler and easier, the days when they knew all the answers and had not a care in the world. In reality those days were long gone and they were never coming back. The fifth and final member of their inseparable group was gone, vanished like nothing had ever happened. He would no longer get to enjoy their random conversations late at night, get to see her dimples and beautiful hazel eyes, or see what goodness she would've brought to the world in the future. Those dreams were long gone and now Lucas was left cleaning up the mess he had involuntarily created_**. **_

_**Guilt never sleeps**_

The words rang through his mind as Lucas tried to decipher what exactly he was feeling. Would the guilt ever go away? Ever take a rest? Lucas knew the answer to that. Guilt never sleeps, it follows him around wherever he goes and whatever he does. Guilt is like his shadow, faithfully it never leaves his side because guilt never sleeps.

_**People Always Leave**_

Damn you Peyton. The more Lucas thought about Peyton's theory, the more he realized it was true. He didn't want to believe it but he did regardless because he had experienced it firsthand. First his dad left before he was born, then his Uncle Keith left the earth in a tragic and cruel way, and now Brooke had left him. People always leave, and people always grieve.

"FUCK YOU PEYTON!" he cursed in agony as he rehashed the theory. "Fuck you!"

Tears dropped from his eyes in a rapid pace as he glanced at the picture one last time. "Time to burn the last reminder of a cruel and selfish act of betrayal," he mumbled to himself as his hands prepared themselves to rid the last thing reminding him of how badly he'd screwed up.

Perfectly, his hands tore the picture directly in half. He watched as the two pieces split in half and then he continued ripping until the photograph was just mere shreds of his dark and variant past.

"You'll always be there for me, even in the toughest of times. I know that I can count on you," he whispered as he placed the shredded picture in the waste bin.

Tonight, he was going to try to forget. He was going to move on with his life and leave his High School regrets behind. He was going to be the person he knew he had the potential to be and he had Brooke Davis to thank for that.

"LUCAS! Dinner is ready!" Lindsey's voice echoed down the empty hallway and filled up the silence that had taken over his study.

"Be there in a second honey!" he hollered back as he rested his hands in his head.

It's time to move on Lucas. It's time to let go and face the fact that it's over and she's never coming back. He had to convince himself that everything was going to be okay and that everything happened for a reason.

As he got up to go to dinner he was sure he heard a sound. It sounded like someone was whispering, "I forgive you."

He glanced around the room and saw nothing. Get a grip Lucas he thought to himself.

Through everything, they were going to get through this. Brooke's strength was the fuel that kept him going and he was grateful for that and for the life lessons she had taught him over the course of just 2 short years.

She'd always be there, whether she was just another face in the crowd or not. She had no intentions of leaving Lucas alone to cope with the mess she'd left behind.

AN: I'm SO SO sorry that I never finished this sooner. I've been so caught up with all my other stories and my hectic life that I quite honestly never even realized I had yet to finish this story until I stumbled across some old documents and there it was. Anyways this is it, the story is completed now. Song lyrics are "There You'll Be" by Faith Hill. Let me know what you think. Love it or hate it?


End file.
